My FTM Quest to Be One of the Guys
When I was in middle school, I prided myself on being the only girl in my friend group. At lunch, my three male friends and I would crowd around a circular table to eat our mediocre school-provided meals. I lamented in my journal about wishing I could be in their sleepovers and daydreamed about outings that the four of us had — going to the movies, or a mini golf course. I was always the only girl, and I took my place in our group very seriously.
One fateful day, a girl from our grade named Colleen tried to join us at lunch. My hackles immediately raised. The only girl that I would allow to accompany us, Melinda, was solidly my friend and thus an auxiliary to me. In short, she did not pose a threat. Neither did Roger, a boy who would hang with us on field trips and sometimes sit at our lunch table. But Colleen? She simply did not belong.
“Who said they wanted her to be here?” I stage whispered to the table, speaking to no one in particular. My rudeness and repeated snubbing during the lunch hour made Colleen angry — rightfully so. She called me a bitch before storming off. I didn’t even care that she insulted me. What I wanted was for her to go away, and my wish was granted. Colleen never tried to sit with us again. All was right with my world. I was one of the guys.
